Why I Can't
by Her Majesty of Pluto
Summary: Like a lot of boys, Momoshiro likes poking people for laughs. With Kaidoh, his laughs just might habour something else. Fit Inui-senpai into the picture and suddenly, Momoshiro realises that there are some things he can't do.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own "Prince of Tennis", what more the characters. I do not write this for monetary gains.

**Author Notes: **I had a conversation with a friend once about how guys back in Secondary School (in other words guys 13 to 16 years old) showed their affections for girls. I suppose, guys are still immature at that age because we remembered the guys who liked us did things to get on our nerves more frequently than normal. This led me to think of Momoshiro and his incessant habit to take digs at Kaidoh. There is perhaps a lot underlying that. Reviews are kindly appreciated! :)

**Warnings: **Mainly one-sided Momo x Kaidoh. Inui x Kaidoh.

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**Why I Can't**

I planned on being the best. I planned on enjoying everyday of my years in Seishun Gakuen. I planned on having fun where ever I went. I planned on being liked by as many people as I could. I planned on eating more in one sitting than Echizen could ever do in a million years. I planned on taking up basketball since I was already good at Dunk Smashing in tennis anyway. I planned on meeting someone and settling down to start a normal family with one or two kids in the very distant future.

I planned on doing many things. I even planned on becoming some sort of super hero. For all the things I planned, I never planned on falling for that damn _Mamushi_.

Contrary to popular belief I didn't hate him no. I _did _enjoy getting on his nerves. I _did _enjoy playing against him and trash-talking him while I was at it. I _did _enjoy getting into scuttles with him.

But, no. I didn't hate him. Quite the opposite. Somewhere along the way, I fell. I didn't know how, why or even when it all started. In the time I got to play doubles with him, some time when I stood in the sidelines with the others watching him play and cheering him on (in my own way)…perhaps it was somewhere during those times that it happened.

At first he was simply my rival; someone I wanted to outdo and, as I discovered during that ranking match in which he lost by a mere millimeter margin, someone who had pushed me the distance I went. I owed my position as a Regular to him to some extend, only I never thanked him for it. I didn't know how. So I taunted him, teased him and annoyed him.

I was blind to see what it was that pulled me to keep fighting with him even when he seemed uninterested in any sort of banter. Yet, I still goaded him until he gave in and shouted at me.

You think I enjoyed it? Perhaps at first. After a time, I recognized in it a desperation. _My _desperation. I knew for a fact that Kaidoh wasn't exactly a people's person the way I was. He didn't take too well to crowds and he certainly didn't take too well to affections. In order to win his affection, it had to be coaxed out of him, slowly, patiently and persistently. I was always the grab-and-dash sort of guy, the one who jumped into things quickly, and who was always up for a bit of senseless fun. My main short-coming was my lack of patience.

I know that If anyone took their time, was brave enough to get to really know him, he was quite a guy. I mean, didn't he jump into that angry river to save a puppy that many would have given up for dead already? When that boy thought he was Echizen, didn't Kaidoh try his hardest to be despite knowing he would make a complete fool of himself? All for the boy? I wouldn't. I admit, at that time, all I wanted was to have a good laugh. Then he snapped and for a while I felt really bad about it, only to up on my feet and laugh and tease again.

Goading him, making him angry with my teasing, getting into fights with him…I realized that over time, I did those things simply because those were the only ways through which I could get close to him.

It took me a while to realize and by then it was impossible to change the way things were. When he was appointed the new Captain of the team, I was elated for him. I really was. But of course, I told him smugly that it should have been me. He must have matured a lot over the years, through matches after matches, because all he did was say, "Yeah right" and turned away, not before I saw that curve of his lips, which I knew, was the only smile I would ever get to witness.

Thinking in retrospect, when I said. "It should have been me", I was perhaps implying something else entirely.

It was great being beside Kaidoh while he was in his _buchou_ glory. It wasn't simply the relish I got out of seeing the younger years being so frightened of Kaidoh, scampering away the moment he opened his mouth to command them. I was amazed at how he managed to handle it all. Everyone who had been under the reign of Tezuka-_buchou_ watched, to see if Kaidoh could live up to that amazing captain. It must have been hard for Kaidoh, constantly being compared to the one who came before, constantly pressured to live up to that young man. Sometimes I fancied I felt the pressure, understood how it was for him to be in the shadows of Tezuka-_buchou_.

Of course, Kaidoh was not one to take such things lying down. He led, not the way Tezuka-_buchou _led. Sure he still made people run laps, but he just had his own style, his own aura and in time the club respected him for just the way he was. I would never admit that I was proud…and I would never admit that I enjoyed nothing more than sit down for club meetings with him, or supporting him as the team's _fukubuchou_. For once we could see eye-to-eye, for once we could sit down and talk without an argument or a taunt punctuating every line. In fact over time, I got to know more of him than I ever could in the two years before our reigns as _buchou _and _fukubuchou_.

I enjoyed those times. I nagged the team more than he did, totally taking over Oishi-_senpai_'s mothering role. Kaidoh had the command and the ferocity, and I was more than happy to hand it to him to keep the younger years, and even our peers, in line.

We had better conversations for sure and I even dared to habour hopes of being with him in more ways than simply friends, classmates and captain and co-captain.

However I couldn't.

I had known for a long time and I will know it for always.

I saw Kaidoh then. I learnt that he liked to train by the river and found myself frequenting that place myself. Sometimes I would make my presence known, and we would train together. His training regime was a tough one. Knowing that, I'd learnt to respect him. Was this what he had been doing before? It made me feel ashamed at taking that win during that ranking match, the one match where it all came flooding back to us—our freshman days and our ensuing rivalry.

I wished I had gone beyond that rivalry sooner to see it all for what it truly was worth.

For most times, I watched him discreetly from a distance. That day was no different, only I spotted another figure walk over to Kaidoh from the back. That figure, clad in a high school uniform, the best in the region, stopped some distance behind Kaidoh. He must have called or said something, because Kaidoh stopped mid-swing and spun around with an eagerness I never thought I would witness in him.

The other was taller than Kaidoh was. He set down his own tennis bag and took a step towards Kaidoh, his arms outstretched. Then Kaidoh threw his racket down. I thought it was in a fit of anger until I saw him run into the water, the other giving chase, and splashed his companion. I thought I heard Kaidoh laugh. Kaidoh kicked at the water and the other exacted revenge with a vicious splash. The world must have come to an end. I never thought Kaidoh could be so…playful.

After a while the play subsided and the taller guy went over to Kaidoh to exact a pat on Kaidoh's head. The bandanna went askew and Kaidoh slapped the other's hand away before moving his hand to right it. The other only laughed and pulled the bandanna right off. Kaidoh tried to make a grab for it but the other was too tall and kept it out of his reach.

Kaidoh could have punched the guy. That was the kind of thing he did. Yet no. I watched on with a growing pain as Kaidoh threw his arms around the other's neck and kissed him.

It must have taken a lot to bring out this side of Kaidoh.

Of course. Inui-_senpai_ had the willpower it took to win Kaidoh over. Only Inui-_senpai_ had been able to see, really see Kaidoh from the start. Inui-_senpai _had the patience and he had the persistence. He was the one to approach Kaidoh. He was the one to make Kaidoh see himself for more than what he was. He was the one who understood Kaidoh best of all and he was the one who could make Kaidoh calm down. He was the one Kaidoh felt most at ease with. He had been there when Kaidoh needed someone to be there. Just because Kaidoh looked tough, everyone assumed he needed no company. Inui-_senpai_ approached Kaidoh and it all took off from there.

Yes, of course. I have always known from way back when it was still only lukewarm between them. I never said anything. Even I, Momoshiro Takeshi, could keep secrets.

Kaidoh was not one for publicized relationships. He must have realized that his was unnatural too. I knew that, so it was the least I could do to keep it to myself. Perhaps it was the only thing I ever did to show him, not that he would ever know, how much I cared.

I got up from where I sat and brushed the grime from my pants. I was a guy after all. I must not cry no matter how much I felt like it. We still have a tournament next week. I was in Singles 2 and Kaidoh was in Singles 1. For him I would win it. For him I would win it and still be on my feet to cheer him on when it was his turn.

Kaidoh. He is the reason why I can't lose.

I fisted away the stubborn wetness that formed on my cheeks and headed to the street tennis courts.

**-Finis-**


End file.
